a decision to make ... to stay or to go

a decision sits before me. a move cross-country! how exciting. i could finally get out of the tundra i'm beginning to not quite enjoy so much, i could meet new people and adventure anew. i would be walking into a role that i could do well alongside people i admire and respect.

or

i could stay where i'm at. i'm not so fond of where i'm at, and mostly that's my fault. i've chosen to walk on eggshells about who i am and what i'd like to do. i've chosen complacency instead of passion and convience over perserverance. leaving now would be easy. i've come across some incredible people that i would miss, but i've been where i'm at and i'm wondering if i have a place here.

so i did the mature christian thing...i prayed about it. yeaaah me, good choice. ... yup. then the Lord did something i have come to dislike from Him. he left the choice to me. silly god, of course i'm moving. its new. its shiny. i'd be challenged to grow and i could leave the environment i'm in now. For me this environment is a pretty consistent reminder of my failures and flaws. of course my decision would be to go.

as i listened this evening to dreams long forgotten and passions long ignored i rediscovered elements of myself that have led me this evening to the following conclusions:

i choose to forgive
i choose to give grace a chance
i choose to remain because i am equipped to overcome shortcomings
i choose to honor the commitment i made when this opportunity was a new shiny in my life
i choose to remain

p r a c t i c a l i t y and s p i r i t u a l i t y

we've seen the power in the older generations
we've heard the wisdom of the wise

we've encountered the opposition saying that truth is relevant
and if we don't believe, we're not spiritual

i've watch as christians pray for the Lord to interviene
and then refuse the help that's sent

i've stood in the shoes of the one waiting for the Lord to provide
::full of faith, not of commonsense

we've somehow become confused into thinking that
p r a c t i c a l i t y and s p i r i t u a l i t y have no place in the same life

what about: the Lord will bless the work of your hands
or how about: the Lord will bless the fruit of your labor

that are your hands doing that the Lord can bless

christanity is not a free pass to an easy life.

the Lord didn't promise to spare one from any trials in life.

Jesus came and walked among us. Fully God and fully man. Its a point that confuses many. How can one be fully two things. We enjoy compmentalizing life and quite frankly, this issue of being fully two completely opposite things just doesn't fit.

What if the point isn't that two opposite things reside in one being, or which Jesus was acting out of as He preformed miracles and set people free, but rather that these two things can each be a part of our life. Its great to trust that the Lord will provide or that the Lord will make a way where there seems to be no way. However when that way is made known, we would be wise to heed its promptings. That may mean filling out a job application, or having a conversation thats out of your comfort zone. When the Lord leads, He's right in front of you.

Spiritual faith is a great asset, but uncoupled with grounded wisdom can be harmful..as harmful I suspect as grounded wisdom without spiritual faith.

as i read through a few friend's blogs this afternoon i've come to the realization of just how real pain is in our lives. Be it pain in the lives around us as challenging circumstances threaten the safety and happiness of our loved ones or the brokeness and hurt that surfaces in our own lives.

Here I am; two challenges set before me. The first is to trust past what I feel, the second is to feel and to trust.

My first lesson and challenge came from the chest I painted this weekend. It didn't turn out how I initially desired, so I had two choices, I could continue to make adaptions and add layers until it yielded a desirable or acceptable product, or I could whitewash it and start over. In retrospect I wonder, could this be how our hearts are to the Lord. Sometimes the artist can adjust and realign, (and as life is a process I would imagine this to be a highly utilized option). Somtimes however, the coats of pain are so piled up that we need to be stripped down. Although from this side of the artistry we see brokeness and pain, the good artist understands the work ahead of him when he sets out and only strips a piece as far as is good and when it is beneficial. We must learn to trust, not to understand. and no, brokeness isn't usually convientently timed. Feeling hurt doesn't weaken my character, or defile who I am. Its okay to feel hurt.

My second challenge comes from what started as a confession. A boy telling an audience that he doesn't pray for his painfully dying sister. Praying would mean identifying and feeling her pain. Her pain was too great, however in that audience he was compelled. Compelled to feel her pain, and the pain of others. He was compelled to feel that he would be more compassionate and pray with an effectiveness only achieved in intercession (praying on behalf of another).

Through brokeness our pain could lead to the effectivesness that could change more than just our prayers.



To trust in a way that I cannon see; that's what faith must be

Why can't I just believe?

Why am I so afraid to just believe. Its what I've always done. Do I believe simply because its what I've always done? Or do I believe because something in me knows that this God thing rings true?

Do I believe in the god who claims to be provider yet allows millions to starve and go without? Do I believe in the god who claims sovereignty yet allows millions to die of disease, curable or not. People die. Do I believe in the God of miracles who hasn't fixed the ones I love.

Absolutley. And I choose to be His hands extended. I will serve, I will extend provision, I will bring help, I will pray and believe for miracles. I will do it in His name in His power. He is the truth that I have found.

Maybe I'm afraid because its all I've ever known or maybe I'm afraid because I don't see how it works. Maybe I'm just afraid to trust again. I don't know why I fear, but in Him I found a peace that calms those fears.

The sovereignty of the Lord
(sovereign: having supreme rank, power, or authority)

I've learned that its easy to say that you trust the Lord, and the Lord has great plans for your life when life is going great. Its no problem to quote scripture when headed right where you've always expected to go. However when the tide changes and the ocean rolls out, things change. When you find yourself in that place where you don't understand anymore what the Lord is doing, its that place where nothing makes sense anymore. When you can then trust in the plans that the Lord has for you, when you can then hold on to the fact that His plans are to prosper and not to harm you. When you can quote and and mean those verses; that's when I think it becomes real, and you can trust in His sovereignty.

Our human perceptions affect our view of religion

I've been thinking a lot lately about pure religion and the church. Although I was looking through this churches website with questionable motives, this caught my eye.
.....

Church Wide- Car Care Ministry - 675 E. Fifth Street
The next Car Care Ministry for single Moms and widows is Saturday, Oct. 7th. Free oil changes and safety inspections. We will meet at Old Salem Domestic and Foreign Car Service 675 E. Fifth Street. Call for appointment
.....

James 1:27 "Religion that God or Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

why do all the wrong people get it? ... or are they really the 'wrong ones' after-all? Why does this church of any church get it? It doesn't fit my perception of what they should do right now.

What is it that makes us 'christians'? Is the market we shop in (christian aparel, music and books), the churches we attend, or is there something more? I'm starting to think that there's something more. I'm pretty convinced right now that you can have all the right words to say and the braclets you want, you can even go to church every sunday, but if your heart isn't right with the Lord you're like a duck out of water wattling alone in the barnyard.

That something more comes from 'working your salvation out with fear and trembling', from 'believing in your heart that Jesus is Lord and confessing with your mouth that God raised Him from the dead', its 'giving a cup of cold water' and 'taking care of the orphans'. Life is a process, learning to waddle with the Father takes time, patience and trust. I'm sure there's more, but I'm still kinda new, I'm just learning that you don't have to be perfect to be a real Christian. I think that's where grace comes in.

I don't want to be healed. I want to be loved.

I stand on this rock while the waves crash around me
The cold wind blows all around and I feel as though I've lost

When you hold me in your arms
That's when my world makes sense
Even when the waves crash around me
I know that you're still there

...and for some reason, that makes everything okay

"you need to sit down in your pews and listen up. The Lord is running to you. " were I think my exact words to a friend in commenting on the following song:
(all lyrics are as I remember the and may not necessarily be completely accurate)

"and then He ran to me
Took me in His arms
Held my head to His chest;
He said 'my sons come home again'
He looked at my face
Wiped the tears from my eyes
And with forgiveness in His heart
Said Son, do you know I still love you?
It caught me by surprise
It brought me to my knees
When God ran"

As much as we run from Him. As plastic as we've made His church. He still pursues us with His love and welcomes us home. And speaking of plastic, here's another song that's been on my mind lately.

"Are we happy plastic people
In our happy plastic steeple
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain"

... ... ... and still another ... ... ...

"And if we are the body
Why aren't His arms reaching
Why aren't His hands healing
Why aren't His words teaching"

Although I'm not all about American Christian music there is some truth to be found and some wisdom to be gleaned.

Christ did not come and live a painless life so that we could have a new market to sell things in. Christ came and walked among real people with real pain and real brokenness. He is not afraid of our humanity! He can handle our brokenness and our messy lives. He can handle our questions and our doubts. My generation claims to value genuine honesty, I'm learning how messy that can be.

Sara Kelly spoke at school this week and her words on my generation and the church astonished me. She quoted a stat that 85% of the 20-somethings are walking away from the church; never to return. 85%! The church, as a whole, isn't being completely honest. The 20-somethings aren't interested in religion because its what their parents have. They don't care how great the song service is. Lip service all sounds the same when its not coming from a genuine heart.

After acknowledging all this, she encouraged us to not give up on the church. We don't have to be plastic Christians. Its okay to ask the big questions and to search for God. "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened"(Mt 7:7-8). Can we handle the fact that God doesn't fit into a box or into our concept of what we think He should be? The God of the Bible is much bigger than the god of American christianity; and He is worth every step of the pursuit.

an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie...or a three point sermon? The cookie comes with a listening ear, the sermon is often accompanied by a communication card that allows you to indicate what level of great you are doing (notice how there isn't a box for 'I'm struggling' or 'I just don't know what I believe'?). On this evening the girl I met in the foyer didn't need a three point sermon, she needed to know that someone cared about her and that she was okay.

James 1:27 reads: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." As I've pondered this during the past couple days I'm struck with the question of how organized religion, more specifically the church of America facilitate pure religion. Its a big question for my little mind, food for thought.

As a friend pointed out the other day, sometimes we don't set out to change the world either because we are overwhelmed or say well, I can't do this whole thing, so I don't do any at all. Or, because we are afraid of our potential and of what could really happen if we really surrendered our all to the Lord.

Choices are easy to blog about, but more challenging to live out.