Why can't I just believe?

Why am I so afraid to just believe. Its what I've always done. Do I believe simply because its what I've always done? Or do I believe because something in me knows that this God thing rings true?

Do I believe in the god who claims to be provider yet allows millions to starve and go without? Do I believe in the god who claims sovereignty yet allows millions to die of disease, curable or not. People die. Do I believe in the God of miracles who hasn't fixed the ones I love.

Absolutley. And I choose to be His hands extended. I will serve, I will extend provision, I will bring help, I will pray and believe for miracles. I will do it in His name in His power. He is the truth that I have found.

Maybe I'm afraid because its all I've ever known or maybe I'm afraid because I don't see how it works. Maybe I'm just afraid to trust again. I don't know why I fear, but in Him I found a peace that calms those fears.