a decision to make ... to stay or to go

a decision sits before me. a move cross-country! how exciting. i could finally get out of the tundra i'm beginning to not quite enjoy so much, i could meet new people and adventure anew. i would be walking into a role that i could do well alongside people i admire and respect.

or

i could stay where i'm at. i'm not so fond of where i'm at, and mostly that's my fault. i've chosen to walk on eggshells about who i am and what i'd like to do. i've chosen complacency instead of passion and convience over perserverance. leaving now would be easy. i've come across some incredible people that i would miss, but i've been where i'm at and i'm wondering if i have a place here.

so i did the mature christian thing...i prayed about it. yeaaah me, good choice. ... yup. then the Lord did something i have come to dislike from Him. he left the choice to me. silly god, of course i'm moving. its new. its shiny. i'd be challenged to grow and i could leave the environment i'm in now. For me this environment is a pretty consistent reminder of my failures and flaws. of course my decision would be to go.

as i listened this evening to dreams long forgotten and passions long ignored i rediscovered elements of myself that have led me this evening to the following conclusions:

i choose to forgive
i choose to give grace a chance
i choose to remain because i am equipped to overcome shortcomings
i choose to honor the commitment i made when this opportunity was a new shiny in my life
i choose to remain