most every night he calls to me
that familiar voice i know so well
his voice calls and i know what it is he wants

he prompts my heart to feel rest against the chaos of my day
his voice whispers to just sleep for now
put away your dreams for the future and work on them later
there's always tomorrow for that kind of thing

since tomorrow never comes all i have is today
all i have is now to work toward my dream
when he comes his call is comfortable
but his company shallow and stale

nothing he offers is what i long for
his offers are those of complacency and he is contentment
his voice is distracting and when i listen
i cease working towards my goals
and i begin the path of settling

settling for less than my best
and for being sort-of-kind-of who i want to be
and going kind-of-close to where i want to go
dreams are meant for sleeping, right?


i will "agape" deeply
but that's gonna take some work
so complacency is NOT an option
and settling isn't on my radar

i want my life to be worth while
an adventrue to say the least
so here i go i'm on the move once again
and looking forward to what i find along the way

i am becoming who i always wanted to be

in a conversation with a friend the other day it was said "I am becoming more of who I always wanted to be." what an attractive statement. to truly become that person i dream of becoming. the person who does all the things that i tell myself i do, but struggle to actually get done.

for this friend it was weekend adventures that he aspired to. rope swings, abandoned caves and weekends spent camping. a nature adventurist. that was his dream, part of who he always wanted to be.

i dream of being a woman full of grace and always extending a hand of compassion and love. never with a judgemental glance but i desire to be always found serving.

i instead find myself doing. doing projects and seeing results but knowing that the results i see are not the results that could be if i would serve instead of do. the results that can come if i would love instead of talk or give instead of hoard.

once again i am at a loss, because typing doesn't change me...but the choices i make can
its time to make better choices. its time to choose to live love and act on my dreams.

thanks friend

wrestling with potential

i wrestle tonight with a question on my mind
i wonder if you've thought of this one too
i wonder if it keeps you awake at night...it has me

are you content to live mediocre and apathetic?
have you found a level that you can live at, of satisfaction
if you have found it and can somehow stay there i am jealous
if you cannot maybe you will identify with me

i feel something inside of me that beckons me deeper
something that calls to me through my self-made chaos
most days that something inside nags me with this:
what keeps you from achieving your potential

or sometimes:
what is it in life that holds you back and enables you
to settle for less than your best

am i motivated by a fear of failure?
or do i hide behind my excuses
not fully putting myself into the things that i do

does the thought of reaching my potential scare me more
do i aim high to fulfill my calling
or am i too afraid of my inadequacies getting in the way?

there's just something about it
i'd like to think that in some way everyone is effected by the thought of their potential
some people settle while some people just give up some people fight forever

then there are those few that live to tell the story of their dream come true

my wish for you is that you abandon your fears enough to find your dreams, and under divine guidance live long enough to encourage others to do the same

a cheep movie genre or true human experience

i would venture to guess that there are a lot of people on this planet that have never experienced love and maybe never will. yet they accomplish lots of great things. they may feel hollow and alone on the inside every minute they're alive, but how do their lives compare to the people whose lives are full of love.

I guess it would depend on what your answer is to the question of the meaning of life. Love I think. Love can change the world and fill an empty soul. It is love that compels one to help the one in need with no thought of restitution or so much as a thanks. it is love that compeled one to live a sinless life and to die for us. God is love, and i guess that's what makes the world go round. Maybe the meaning of life has not so much to do with what you do as it does with who you are.

go big or go home.

I have this notion that if I'm not doing someting of a momunemtal proportion I'm not doing something that's of great importance. Some of my goals in life are to solve world hunger, end fighting and establish world peace. I love working with children and believe in dreaming big. I however leave much to be desired when it comes to followthrough.

I'm beginning to realize though that some of life's most tedious and repetitive tasks can be of the utmost importance. Parenting for example. To raise a child is to give of yourself completely to another and in the process watch as a piece of your heart goes into the world in another vessel. Generations could continue out of one person's love for and care of a child.

Half hearted child rearing doesn't often yield good results, nor does I imagine most things. If its worth doing, do it well. Give it your all. Even if it does seem to be the most meaningless task. Evaluate the why, assign it a value, and get going.

My example. I needed a job, so a friend and I walked each of the mile-long floors at the Mall of America taking an application wherever we could get one. The last store she walked into I said, I could never work in a place like this. The manager misunderstood and gave her two applications. At home that night I was temped and initially did begin to fill out the application with sloppy writting, until I heard that sunday school teachers voice telling me that whatever I did I should do it as unto the Lord and not as unto men. I straightened up my writting and was called in for an interview based on the handwritting on my application. I did get the job and have been loving it for the past 4 years now.

an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie...or a three point sermon? The cookie comes with a listening ear, the sermon is often accompanied by a communication card that allows you to indicate what level of great you are doing (notice how there isn't a box for 'I'm struggling' or 'I just don't know what I believe'?). On this evening the girl I met in the foyer didn't need a three point sermon, she needed to know that someone cared about her and that she was okay.

James 1:27 reads: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." As I've pondered this during the past couple days I'm struck with the question of how organized religion, more specifically the church of America facilitate pure religion. Its a big question for my little mind, food for thought.

As a friend pointed out the other day, sometimes we don't set out to change the world either because we are overwhelmed or say well, I can't do this whole thing, so I don't do any at all. Or, because we are afraid of our potential and of what could really happen if we really surrendered our all to the Lord.

Choices are easy to blog about, but more challenging to live out.