i am becoming who i always wanted to be

in a conversation with a friend the other day it was said "I am becoming more of who I always wanted to be." what an attractive statement. to truly become that person i dream of becoming. the person who does all the things that i tell myself i do, but struggle to actually get done.

for this friend it was weekend adventures that he aspired to. rope swings, abandoned caves and weekends spent camping. a nature adventurist. that was his dream, part of who he always wanted to be.

i dream of being a woman full of grace and always extending a hand of compassion and love. never with a judgemental glance but i desire to be always found serving.

i instead find myself doing. doing projects and seeing results but knowing that the results i see are not the results that could be if i would serve instead of do. the results that can come if i would love instead of talk or give instead of hoard.

once again i am at a loss, because typing doesn't change me...but the choices i make can
its time to make better choices. its time to choose to live love and act on my dreams.

thanks friend

for as long as i can remember, people have been telling me things about religion and the way i'm supposed to live in accordance with my religious beliefs. specifically in the area of the opposite sex. there are many rules about the opposite sex. i'm sure you're familiar with the list...don't have sex before you're married, keep your feet on the floor, the lights should stay on...the list continues.

he's a good guy, and he has many attractive qualities, but not common faith. for years i've listened to lectures on how "missionary dating" doesn't work. now i'm hearing "well, give him time, he might come around". "time is your ally." few of my close and trusted friends have provided me with warnings to heed. maybe because they know i know better.

i know i know better. but i still like him. and what would the people at work think? they think we're so cute...i know this boy is a nice boy and he goes to church on occassion and he prays every night, but i'm not interested in religion as a weekend hobby. i'm not interested in a passing fling.

i'm interested in spending the rest of my life with someone who challenges my faith and encourages my growth as a person. someone who loves deeply and is attracted to me. not my appearance. looks evolve and situations change but integrity and faithfulness are choices that not everyone chooses to make. if he's not making those choices now, i'm not waitng around until he does.

i could live with what's good and continue to pray that he would come to terms with his faith in a genuine way. or i could pray from a distance while holding to my convictions. the later wouldn't be as much fun as watching movies and going for walks,

but when i sit in that place where the world makes sence and i think about this boy, i know what i need to do...and compromise is not an option